When did I become the fat girl?

I can’t pinpoint when it happened.

One day I woke up and I was the fat girl.

If I’m being honest, I probably ignored all the warning signs because I truly believed this WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME!!

Now, I am the friend in my group. The jolly comedienne who jiggles when she laughs.

Me peers probably feel (subconsciously) better about themselves because they are not fat like me.

I have no fucking idea how this happened to me. But what’s new? I wake up some days and have no idea how I ended up in this life!

I knew I gained (and was gaining) weight, but jesushchrist…watdafuk? Everything is big and misshapen. I HATE IT!

This isn’t a new thing

I’ve been struggling to lose weight since I was a teen. I remember being 17 years old, skinny as fuck and thinking my body wasn’t as beautiful as my friend’s, because I had a ‘podgy’ tummy.

At 21 when I was a UK size 6-8, I also saw my stomach as a problem area. Oh, and a former friend put me on ‘anorexia’ watch…silly cow. It’s called a 21yo metabolism, excessive coffee and cigarettes and being active.

I had an ex break up with me because he didn’t like “big girls”. I was probably less than 150 lb at the time but I’d gained weight because:

  1. Depression
  2. He was a bully
  3. He was a shitty, controlling prick with a too many complexes to list here

I was told to lose 10 lbs by a teacher once – I weighed 142 lb at the time was perfectly healthy. I tried to lose the weight all the same.

At 165 lb I felt so depressed by my body, I tried every single diet I could think of. I suffered and suffered and suffered. I hated myself so much. My wedding dress was an atomic level fucking disaster. Low self-esteem will do that to a woman.

At 176 lb, I promised never to hit 180 lb. then I hit 185 lb and I swore to all the gods that would listen I would never go above 190 lb because that would mean I was only 10 lb away from 200 lb.

204 lb on the scale

Well, what do you fucking know? Look who hit their non-target weight with extras?


I don’t even have the energy to stay mad.

Upset sports woman touching her belly fat
..And this chick right here can fuck right off! What are you pinching? Air? The flesh that allows you to bend sideways? I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now!







Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s