Little Pills (Old Post)

— December 2016: I remember every feeling as I wrote this.–

I try to be brave about my depression, but there are times when I’m so desperate to be better it’s all consuming.

I wish medication could cure depression; make it go away forever and leave you shiny and new and refreshed. I wish I could take a pill and make the depression disappear.

And just like that I would be healed and healthy again.

But that little magical pill doesn’t exist.

It’s keeps raining in my mind,
Another storm another day,
These little pills won’t change my mind,
‘Cause they don’t make it go away.

My doctor believed my depression could be treated with therapy.

While I agree, the therapy (once it happened) was too short lived – the NHS gives you eight sessions.

Remember that old saying? It takes half the time of your total relationship to get over the breakup? Well, my relationship with depression has been going on for years and eight weeks of counselling wasn’t enough. Not by a long shot.

It makes me wonder if maybe I do need to consider medication? Even if it’s just short term?

But I’ve seen friends go into states of ‘fake’ happy only to crash. I’ve also seen how meds can turn depressed people into wrecks, zombies or more depressed than before.

I don’t want to be on meds.

In fact I’ve done everything possible to seek alternative options.

But it doesn’t stop me from wishing for that little magical pill that would make it all go away.

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